What do you want from this summer?
Simple question. But when’s the last time someone actually asked your child that, and then listened to the answer?
We spend months planning activities and crafting experiences for kids.
But we rarely take like two seconds to ask the people actually living those experiences what the heck they want out of them.
Kinda weird, right?
And without asking, how do we know what meaningful looks like to your 12-year-old? Or what kind of growth they’re actually ready for?
Turns out, if you ask kids what they want, they’ll, like, totally tell you. And then sometimes all we have to do is listen.
A person’s voice matters in shaping an experience, and even just saying stuff out loud has a pretty darn big impact.
Why This Actually Matters
Remember that Self-Determination Theory stuff from a few weeks ago? The autonomy piece? This is that in action.
When kids get to say out loud (or voice) what they want, they become way (I mean waaaaay) more invested in making it happen. Think the simple difference between being told what a summer will look like versus having a say in what it ends up becoming.
A kid who’s like, “I want to get better at making friends” is going to rock social situations differently than one who’s just tagging along with the crowd.
A kid who says a version of “I want to try that fun-looking thing, but it makes me a little nervous” will roll with challenges in a completely different way.
No one’s trying to create entitled kids or remove structure. We just want to build confidence through acknowledgment, developing a stronger sense of their own voice and what matters to them.
A Simple Example
A version of this happened yesterday on Senior Hill, where the oldest boys at camp live.
We were having one of those not-terrible, but not super fun convos you sometimes have during a summer. You know, testing simple boundaries and all that.
Josh and I sat down with them and asked, “How is the summer going?”
And then “What do you want the rest of the summer to be like?”
They were happy to share and asked for more clarity about when they sign up for activities, to know what will happen next.
Example: Will this arts and crafts period be more formal crafts or more relaxed in the arts and crafts area?
At soccer today, will we be doing more drills or just playing a game?
You know, the BIG stuff. Jokes aside, to these kids, this kind of stuff is important. And in many places in their lives, they’re rarely asked.
Plus, these were a super easy fix. Happy to make it.
We listened, talked with DJ (he makes the schedule) and before the end of the night DJ had made it up to the Hill to get some more clarity.
The conversation started as a boundary-setting one, but with a couple of questions became about listening and brainstorming in an effort to solve the initial issues.
Which ended up being the “fix” to the reason we sat down in the first place.
This Isn’t Creating Entitled Kids, It’s Building Confidence
I can already hear some folks out there:
“Great, so now we’re just giving kids whatever they want? What’s next, letting them design their own schedules? Total anarchy?!”
Nope.
Huge difference between listening to what kids want and automatically just blurting out, “YES!” to everything.
Listening isn’t about losing structure or chucking out boundaries. It means making decisions with better information about what’s motivating.
Safety rules aren’t negotiable. Core expectations don’t change. But within those boundaries? There’s usually more room to acknowledge and validate than we think.
When you understand what drives a kid, we can make smarter choices about where to be flexible and where to hold firm. You’re not removing all challenges, which would be silly.
Just making sure the challenges are ones they’re actually invested in tackling, all while feeling confident that adults will at least listen when they speak up.
How This Shows Up
What does this look like in practice? Keeping it veerrry simple.
At camp, it looks like asking “What’s one thing you’re hoping to do this summer?” during check-ins.
Or “What would make this week feel successful for you?” during cabin chats. The key is writing it down and showing kids their input matters.
In my effort to learn as much as possible about K&E, my mission is to ask lots of questions to everyone. Kids, staff, and families.
Understanding what people want helps create better experiences for everyone.
These questions travel:
“What would make tomorrow better?”
“What are you hoping for from this weekend?”
“What’s just one thing you want to get better at this month?”
The answers might surprise us. Kids often want things that are 100% achievable, even simple. Could be more one-on-one time, help with a specific skill, or just feeling like something is bothering them.
If you can make it happen and it’s realistic, sure, go ahead and do it.
When you can’t, definitely acknowledge it anyway.
“Stay up until midnight on school nights. That’s a no, but I hear that you want some more control over bedtime. Maybe we figure out a way for some extra time on weekends?”
We’re teaching them to articulate needs, showing them their voice matters, and building their confidence that adults will listen when they speak up.
Those are skills that serve them everywhere – at camp, at school, and long into their adult lives.
The Bottom Line
This summer, your child is going to have (and is already having) countless planned, spontaneous, challenging, and downright fun experiences.
All while learning that their voice matters. That adults care enough to ask what they think. That their hopes and ideas have value, even when the answer has to be no.
We can give kids incredible experiences without ever asking what they want from them. But when we do ask – and actually listen – we’re building something that lasts way longer than any single summer memory.
Is it perfect? Nah.
Some things are possible. Some not. Limits exist for a reason. But the act of voicing it is a kickstart to a new kind of confidence.
And that’s the kind of confidence that travels with them everywhere they go.
We got this,
Jack