“Put your shoes back on! Why aren’t you wearing them right now? We’ve gone over these rules!”
Still cringe when thinking about these actual (very cringe-worthy) words coming out of my mouth during my first summer as a camp director.
There was George (who ended up being one of my best friends, so all good) galavanting back from the waterfront without any shoes on (how dare he?!?). Oh man, I wasn’t happy.
Hadn’t he heard anything we talked about for a whole week during staff training? And if he couldn’t follow this simple instruction, was he even capable of keeping the waterfront a place where rules were of the utmost importance?
Calmly, George explained why he wasn’t wearing shoes. His feet were literally covered in sand after helping a kid go to the bathroom.
I wish I’d known about the three agreements at that moment. Would have made the whole thing a heck of a lot easier.
The Three Agreements
That moment with George came rushing back to me last week, reading Scott’s piece about building mountains of confidence in kids. Giving a structure for bringing out the best in everyone. It clicked in a totally new way.
Look, we need rules at camp. No one’s saying we don’t. Safety protocols, daily schedules, cabin expectations, all that stuff matters, big time.
But what if underneath all those necessary guidelines (or even sitting above), there were just three core agreements that crystallized everything else?
After 29 years in camping, I’ve seen rulebooks fat enough to sink a canoe. But if I could only have three rules – just three – they would be these:
- Take care of yourself and others
- Protect the future of the camp
- Work through conflicts when they arise
That’s it. Three agreements to rule them all.
Shortening the list to three like this isn’t about having fewer expectations. It’s actually the opposite.
When kids and staff understand these core principles, all our other guidelines stop feeling random and start making sense.
The waterfront safety rules? That’s taking care of yourself and others.
Respecting traditions? That’s protecting the future of camp.
Working through disagreements? That’s resolving conflict when it arises.
Something very cool happens when kids shift from following rules “because we said so” to “because this is how we take care of each other.” I’ve seen it work, and it’s a total game-changer.
Agreement #1: Take Care of Yourself and Others
Simple, right? But this first one does some serious heavy lifting.
It’s the Juniper girls welcoming new campers. It’s Hut 6 boys grilling for Senior Hill without being asked. It’s counselors noticing a quiet kid at the edge of the field.
It’s also the small stuff like putting on sunscreen, wearing a life jacket, washing hands before meals. All that basic human maintenance kids sometimes (ok, often) need reminding about.
This one agreement replaces a mountain of “don’ts” – don’t hit, don’t exclude, don’t bully. Instead, it asks a simple question: “Is what I’m doing taking care of myself and others?”
If not, we adjust.
From what I saw at Winter Weekend, this just amplifies K&E’s existing culture of caring where status comes from how well you take care of others, not how “popular” you are. This agreement just puts words to what’s already happening here.
Agreement #2: Protect the Future of the Camp
This might sound big and abstract, but it’s actually super practical.
For starters, it’s about the physical stuff like treating the cabins with respect, picking up trash even if it’s not yours, taking care of equipment so next year’s campers can use it too. But there are other layers.
It also has everything to do with camp culture and the traditions that make K&E special. Like when returning campers teach the songs to first-timers or explain why certain camp traditions matter. They’re not just sharing information; they’re passing the torch.
I love this agreement because it gives kids a bigger purpose. They’re not just following rules. They’re guardians of something that matters. They’re part of a legacy that started before them and continues after them.
And honestly? Kids rise to that challenge all the time. When they understand they’re protecting something bigger than themselves, they step up in big ways.
Agreement #3: Work Through Conflict When It Arises
This might be the most powerful of the three.
Look, when you put a bunch of kids together for weeks, conflicts happen. Disagreements over games, misunderstandings in cabins, hurt feelings about who sat where at lunch. It’s all normal, expected, and actually valuable.
What makes camp different from school or sports teams is we can’t just walk away from conflicts. We share cabins, meals, and activities 24/7. There’s nowhere to “hide”, which makes camp the perfect laboratory for learning how to work through disagreements.
This agreement doesn’t mean kids handle everything alone. Counselors and staff are there to guide, coach, and sometimes referee. But it does mean we don’t ignore problems or let them fester. We address them, talk them out, and find solutions.
Conflict like this in and of itself isn’t bad, it’s just what we do with it that matters.
3 > 30?
General brain science mostly says kids (and honestly the adults enforcing them) can’t track thirty rules. Their brains literally filter most of them out. But three core agreements? Those stick. They’re memorable, meaningful, and manageable.
When boundaries are clear but minimal, kids actually have more freedom, not less. They don’t need to constantly check a rulebook.
Instead, they’re asking: “Does this take care of others? Protect camp? Resolve conflict?” Simple checks that cover everything.
This connects 1:1 to Self-Determination Theory (fancy term for what makes people thrive).
Kids need autonomy (some control), belonging (connection), and competence (being good at stuff that matters). These three agreements nail all three. They preserve choice while creating community and building real skills.
And they don’t replace anything. They just enhance the great work already being done here as a way to simplify and bring it all together. And in the process, practicing life skills that matter.
Plus, the Three Agreements travel. Taking care of themselves and others. Contributing to something larger than themselves. Working through conflicts directly.
These aren’t just camp rules. They’re life skills disguised as camp culture going with kids everywhere. Sports teams, first jobs, college roommate situations, and pretty much any community your kid will ever join.
Back to George
So what about George and those sandy feet?
If I’d been thinking about these three agreements back then, our interaction would’ve gone very differently.
“Hey George, no shoes?” “Yeah, I’m helping this kid to the bathroom and my feet got sandy.” “Got it. Thanks for taking care of him.”
End of story. No lecture needed.
Because George was absolutely taking care of others. He was doing exactly what mattered most, even if a minor rule got bent in the process.
That’s the beauty of this approach. It cuts through the noise and sandy feet, focusing on what truly counts. It gives kids (and staff) a compass rather than just a map with too many streets to memorize.
It makes things do’s instead of don’ts.
Where we’re all focusing on what matters: growth, connection, and taking care of each other.
You got this,
Jack
PS: I am on a mission to better understand K&E from your perspective. If you have a few minutes I’d love to chat. Just send me a message saying “Hey Jack let’s chat.”
